Most of you (all of you) don't know that I was in a car accident a little over a week ago. It was a 4-car pileup and it was probably the best car accident I have been in yet. Hey, they say if you should do something, you should do it right. I can tell you honestly that I did everything right in this car wreck, from slamming on the brakes only seconds too late, to careening on screeching tires into the truck in front of me, to actively trying to avoid staying on the scene because of that one speeding ticket I haven't paid for yet. ("Here's my insurance card and I'm calling you from my cell right now so you have my number. Let's talk soon!")
I am an expert.
Anyway, the car was totaled and so I was forced to shop for a replacement. After much perusal of Professional Car Sites (read: craigslist), I found one out in north Austin that seemed to fit my lifestyle (read: poor). It has relatively low mileage, is a bright and cheery beige (just as exciting as I am) and is, unfortunately, a manual transmission (just as difficult as I am).
With little to no training in driving a stick shift, and a burgeoning sense of adventure, I bought the car. Before even having a proper lesson in driving the thing. Because, seriously, I am not a car dealer but if someone came to me and said, "I do not know how to drive stick, but I would like to learn in this car before I buy it.", I would tell them to go fuck themselves with a stick shift. Yes.
Anyway. Today is day 3 of manual madness and I have to say that I am totally proud of my progress. I didn't kill the car on the way to work today, or on the way home from work yesterday! I was getting so comfortable with the car that I would start to feel really cool driving it, you know... grab the stick, hit the clutch, and thrust that bad boy into position. Oh yeah! So, you know, I got the windows down and the radio up, and I'm all "Vroom vroom! Vroooooom!" thinking I am just the coolest thing since the Backstreet Boys.
I slap it into neutral and roll up to a stop light, then brake and put 'er into first gear. The light turns green. And I am so pimp, yo. I ease off the clutch and hit the gas, my head bobbing cooly to the music, except, shit, too much pressure! And the car rumbles and groans and curses my name before sputtering to a dead. stop. I don't even know if anyone aside from the person behind me is aware, but it literally feels to me as though every single car within line of sight of me has stopped, rolled down the window, and are staring at me with this, "Jesus Christ, that girl doesn't know how to drive stick! How utterly ridiculous!"
My head drops shamefully, and I put it in neutral and am once more the very tiny, loserly person that doesn't even know how to drive stick as I gun up the engine once more, and then so very tenderly ease off the clutch and into the gas. There is a cloud of shame over me for the remainder of the drive.
I am seriously considering buying a bumper sticker that says, "STUDENT DRIVER: MANUAL TRANSMISSION" or at least put a sign up in the back of the car so that people will at least understand when I kill it, or hopefully won't ride up on my ass at stop signs/lights on steep inclines. Which actually causes me to panic when the light DOES turn green because I'm terrified I will roll right back into the car behind me. So, what do I do? What every person panicking who has never driven stick before does: I gun it and kill the flippin' car.
Madness I tell you, madness!
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