Let's talk politics.

As a head's up, I can't talk politics without almost literally foaming at the mouth, but here we go:

I don't purport to know everything, but I do know one thing: While the President of our nation is responsible for a lot and could certainly be culpable for a lot, not EVERYTHING is Obama's fault. The people who are blaming the President for the BP oil spill are the exact same people who sported the "Drill here, drill now, pay less" bumper stickers, so shut the hell up. It's called BRITISH PETROLEUM not OBAMA BIN LADEN NAZI MUSLIM FASCIST KILL AMERIKKKA COMPANY. Obama is not a magical fairy who can wave a wand and make a major national disaster disappear.

So let's talk about the "slavery law!" Because HAHA BLACKIE PRESIDENT WANT US TO BE SLAVES TO GET REVENGE ON THE WHITE MAN! You are so enlightened, please tell us more! And while you're at it, go ahead and include the requisite, "i'm not racist but..." statement, okay? Let's talk about the "slavery" bill:

"The slavery bill is currently in debate in the House Committee on Armed Services chaired by Rep Ike Skelton a democrat from Missouri. Those who oppose mandatory slavery should contact Rep. Skelton. Many bills die in committee and this bill should meet the same fate." (taken from http://www.prisonplanet.com/h-r-5741-slave-bill-now-in-committee.html)

Very similar bills were proposed in 2003, 2006, and 2007. Visit: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conscription_in_the_United_States and please read the paragraph titled, "Conscription controversies since 2003" to get a full and illustrious history of how many other people have attempted to get this bill to pass.

OH MY GOD EVEN WHILE BUSH WAS IN OFFICE OMG OMG OMG NAZI HITLER MUSLIM TERRIST BLACKIE! HE IS IN CAHOOTS WITH OBAMA SAMA BIN LADEN!!!!

Additionally, Obama cannot wave aforementioned magic wand and CREATE A LAW. PRESIDENTS DO NOT MAKE LAWS. That's what our LEGISLATIVE BRANCHES DO. Legislation is a fancy word for MAKE LAWS. At worst, all the President can do is an executive order. Please visit http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Executive_order_(United_States) to read up on executive orders and you will plainly see that this is not one of them.

Obama did ask for a bill on NATIONAL SERVICE. Who knows what that could mean? That is broad term and could mean any number of things from roadside cleanup to STRAPPING ON BOMBS FOR KILL INFIDELS!!!

I'm sorry, I'll shut up now so you can go back to blaming everything on the President. Ants on your lawn? PRESIDENT HUSSAIN OBAMA BIN BABY KILLER! Crime in the cities? Why gosh, that must be because of NAZI FASCIST OBAMARAMA! A SENATOR IS TRYING TO LEGISLATE A LAW THAT I DON'T LIKE AROIHAUOIHGDIAUDGIG OBAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!@!!!!!@#!@$one!

Oh, and if you don't like this law, please go here: http://www.house.gov/skelton/ and contact Rep. Skelton to oppose it. That might actually do some good, instead of screaming about Obama, which does nothing but make you feel better and alleviate the feeling of responsibility you have about what happens in this country because you have a scapegoat. Like all Presidents before him and all Presidents to come, the people of America only vote for pretty lies and someone to point the finger at when those lies don't happen.

You can also go here to write your representative if you don't live in Missouri: https://writerep.house.gov/writerep/welcome.shtml

So, I found this today: Omnivore's Hundred. Being a bit of a foodie, I thought it'd be neat to go through their list and cross of things I've already eaten. Let's see how tame my tastes really run!

1. Venison
2. Nettle tea
3. Huevos rancheros
4. Steak tartare
5. Crocodile
6. Black pudding
7. Cheese fondue
8. Carp
9. Borscht
10. Baba ghanoush
11. Calamari
12. Pho
13. PB&J sandwich
14. Aloo gobi
15. Hot dog from a street cart
16. Epoisses
17. Black truffle
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes
19. Steamed pork buns
20. Pistachio ice cream
21. Heirloom tomatoes
22. Fresh wild berries
23. Foie gras
24. Rice and beans
25. Brawn, or head cheese
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper
27. Dulce de leche
28. Oysters
29. Baklava
30. Bagna cauda
31. Wasabi peas
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl
33. Salted lassi
34. Sauerkraut
35. Root beer float
36. Cognac with a fat cigar
37. Clotted cream tea
38. Vodka jelly/Jell-O
39. Gumbo
40. Oxtail
41. Curried goat
42. Whole insects
43. Phaal
44. Goat’s milk
45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more
46. Fugu
47. Chicken tikka masala
48. Eel
49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut
50. Sea urchin
51. Prickly pear
52. Umeboshi
53. Abalone
54. Paneer
55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal
56. Spaetzle
57. Dirty gin martini
58. Beer above 8% ABV
59. Poutine
60. Carob chips
61. S’mores
62. Sweetbreads
63. Kaolin
64. Currywurst
65. Durian
66. Frogs’ legs
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake
68. Haggis
69. Fried plantain
70. Chitterlings, or andouillette
71. Gazpacho
72. Caviar and blini
73. Louche absinthe
74. Gjetost, or brunost
75. Roadkill
76. Baijiu
77. Hostess Fruit Pie
78. Snail
79. Lapsang souchong
80. Bellini
81. Tom yum
82. Eggs Benedict
83. Pocky
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant.
85. Kobe beef
86. Hare
87. Goulash
88. Flowers
89. Horse
90. Criollo chocolate
91. Spam
92. Soft shell crab
93. Rose harissa
94. Catfish
95. Mole poblano
96. Bagel and lox
97. Lobster Thermidor
98. Polenta
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee
100. Snake

52/100! Not too shabby, really! Where do you land on the Omnivore's Hundred?

Busy Weekend

I had a busy, productive, and good weekend. I went to San Antonio to visit my parents and get some work done on my car. I have neither the tools nor the know-how to work on my car solo, but my dad's pretty knowledgeable and what he doesn't know, the Haynes Service Repair Manual can fill in. So I drove out Friday morning with my kitty in tow. Last time I went out for 2-3 days I had worried the entire time about the cat being home alone. I know it's retarded, I do. But what if something happened? What if there was a fire or gas leak? What if the maintenance guys had to repair something and when they came into the apartment, he escaped and got hit by a car or something?

It's a three hour car drive, and though I know my cat has severe car-anxiety issues, I figured after the first hour or so he'd settle down and get over it. Could not be more wrong. He was freaked. First he started crying, mewling loudly and pitifully. This lasted over half an hour. Then he started panting. Like a dog. While he was panting, he started drooling and foaming at the mouth. His strings of drool were like six inches long, hanging out of his mouth, thick and stringy. It was gross. He was freaking the fuck out. Then he peed on the seat. Looking back, I am not sure why I didn't take precautions to protect the seat in my car, but I didn't. Now my car smells like urine. I will likely have to replace the seat.

I arrived in SA a bit frazzled, to say the least, but all in all it was a good weekend. I got the things done on my car that needed to be done. We replaced the brake pads (my dad showed me how to do one and I did the other - yay me!), replaced a bolt in the wheel that had been stripped, put in a new horn (have to pass inspection!) and put on new windshield wipers. I am really bad about wipers, I have at one point let them get so worn down that they scratched the windshield. I don't drive in rain if I can help it, but it happens on occasion. Then I took the car in to have the safety inspection and an oil change done. There was this very attractive Dykey McDykerton working at the Jiffy Lube. She had on boyish clothes and her head was shaved, but she had a very pretty face, nice eyes and the world's most perfect teeth. Teeth are important, okay? I mean, they were like movie star teeth. White, straight, perfect. Then I took the car home and gave it a bath, washing it top-to-bottom by hand. By the end of the afternoon, I was sweaty and gross and overheated. It felt great to take a dip in the pool.

Sunday night my friend Jessica and I hit the gay strip on Main St. near San Antonio College. We started out at Luther's, a burger joint that's been there since the 40s, if I recall correctly. We hit up four different bars and somehow magically no one was charging cover AND they all had rocking drink specials (I think it was $1 for well drinks or something ridiculous like that). We even got to catch the drag show at The Saint which was a lot of fun. They had some very talented "ladies" on stage that evening.

I got in late but was up early'ish the next day, ready to head home. This time, I wised up in regards to the cat. I did a bit of Googling for the right dosage, and in the end gave him 2ml children's Benadryl. He was calm and collected the entire ride home. There was a bit of panting here and there but he was much more relaxed, such that he sat in the seat next to me (atop a towel, which was atop a plastic trash bag to protect from additional accidents) and I was able to pet him the entire trip home.

So it was a good and productive weekend, I'm glad I was able to get so much done. More good news -- my roommate was approved and this weekend, we're signing the paperwork. Hooray! I want to say I can relax but I don't want to give the fates something to toy with.

Massive Ass

I am exceptionally good at making a huge ass out of myself. It's not even by doing or saying ridiculous things. On the contrary, what will happen is that something I end up saying or doing ends up being unintentionally horribly offensive to whomever I'm speaking to. I stress unintentionally because when I am trying to be a dick that is all good and fine, but there have been so many instances where I've just said the wrong thing at the wrong time to the wrong person, or a situation where a simple mistake makes me look like the World's Biggest Asshole^® when I'm totally not TRYING to be an asshole. You want examples? O-kay.

^{Case #1 - Insulting the Dead Girl's Brother}

^{So back in the day when I went to church -- I know what you're thinking, it's a wonder the Lord allowed such a sinful deviant in the building, but whatever -- there was a girl that I was acquainted with named Emily. Now, Emily was a sweetheart; a genuinely nice person. Emily's brother, however, was not. Dude was a total dick. He was mean-spirited and an all-around jerk. He didn't go to church though, at least not most of the time. One Sunday happened to be his birthday and our youth advisor had brought cupcakes or something just in case he was there. he wasn't, but we enjoyed the cupcakes anyway. I bumped into Emily in the hallway after (she was older than me and so in a different class, and therefore did not get any delicious cupcakes). I said, "We celebrated your brother's birthday in class today, even though he's not here."}

^{She took a step back, mouth open, a look of shock on her face.}

^"What?"

^{"Your brother? The big jerk? We celebrated his birthday today in class." I repeated, raising an eyebrow.}

^{"Who... Who do you think I am?" she stammered.}

^{I was completely confused at this point.
"You're Emily. Emily Johnson."}

^{"No. My name's Jennifer, and my brother died a year ago this week." she got the last part out as her voice cracked, tears rushed to her eyes and she fled the scene.}

^{You just can't recover from that. You can't apologize for that. I didn't know it wasn't Emily, she looked EXACTLY like Emily (seriously, they could have been twins, and I'd never met this girl before). So let's review the facts, here:}

It was during the week of the 1-year-anniversary of her brother's death.

I referenced how her dead brother was "not here."

I called her dead brother a "big jerk."

This was all unintentional. I had no intention of hurting anyone and in fact Emily and I had often talked and joked about what an ass her brother was. This was not Emily. This was Jennifer. Jennifer's brother is dead. Way to go, assface.

Case #2 - If Jesus Was Standing There

Speaking of religion and religious people, at one point in time I worked at Applebee's with a girl whose name I think was Kara. Kara was what I'll refer to as a "true Christian." Kara was kind to everyone, did not judge, always seemed to be happy and was in general a real pleasure to be around and work with. She did unto others, she was sweet, helpful and just all around a good person -- she was not at all hypocritical. I have LOADS of respect for that. She is following and living her faith. A living, breathing example of what the word "Christian" is supposed to mean. Loads of respect.

So, around Kara I tried to stifle my inherent misanthropy because, unlike most humanoids, she was not deserving of my ire. And actually, everyone did that around her. I don't want to say we used "kid gloves" because it wasn't a condescending sort of thing, it was just that we all respected her enough to mind our mouths around her and if you've ever worked in the food industry, you know that's quite a feat.

One day the boys were joking around in the back and sort of talking shit when I came into the kitchen. I joined in and one made a mean comment at me (all in jest). I don't remember what the comment was, but my reply to him was a flippant"Don't worry, I forgive ya." This was said just as Kara walked into the kitchen. She smiled and said, "That's great! That's what Jesus would do." with a huge smile on her face.

I know. I KNOW what you're thinking but shut the fuck up. She was being genuine, okay? Loads of respect. I'm being serious.

Anyway, we all went about our business and everything was hunky-dory. Fast-forward to the dinner rush. Tables are full, people are waiting to be seated and it's all rushrushrush. I should interject here that I was a terrible waitress. I have the memory of a fucking goldfish, so my service was tremendously bad. Someone would ask me for mayonnaise, or something, and on the way back to the kitchen I'd be like "mayonnaise, mayonnaise, mayonnaise" so that I wouldn't forget, but then someone would ask me for a tea or something and I'd be like "tea, tea, tea" and completely forget about the mayonnaise. Because of this deficiency, I was CONSTANTLY rushing around like a chicken with my head cut off and simultaneously apologizing because I'd forgotten someone's something. I did not wait tables for long, believe me.

Anyway, another set-back was that we only had one soda fountain, so if you needed drinks for your table and someone was currently getting drinks for their table, you'd have to wait. And we were busy, so busy. I was pushing hard because you just get the WORST tips when you're a bad waitress, but that's pretty much all you get, so I'm rushing around like a madwoman trying to get everything. I had a drink order that had to be filled, but Kara was carefully filling her drinks in front of me, setting them on the tray next to her. She must've had a full table, too, because she had several sodas to make.

I want to explain that I don't have to go out of my way to be mean, but rather, I have to go out of my way to be nice. I'm just naturally set to "mean-spirited," and if I'm not paying attention to what I'm saying, mean shit will come out. It's tiresome to constantly have to censor myself so normally I don't do it. I guess what I'm trying to explain is that my default setting kicks in when I'm on autopilot, which I most certainly was at that point in time.

My mouth opened and before I could stop it, the words tumbled out...

"If Jesus was standing there, he'd move."

Oh yes. Yes I did. I said it.

She turned on one heel, her eyes wide open, clearly offended. Her face darkened and she said, coldly, "You have no right to belittle my faith."

And she was ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. I had no right! No right at all! I sputtered an apology, clearly humbled, but really... What a shitty thing to do. I will add, however, that my friends think this was hilarious and it's one of their favourite stories.

Case #3 - The Lame Foot Drag

This one's old. I know there are more recent examples (probably even more offensive ones), but I can't think of them so I'll toss this one in 'cuz it's quick and easy. I don't like shopping and I've never liked shopping, but at one point when I was a teen some friends managed to drag me to the mall. The mall is a soulless place that robs people of their humanity, and I can't stand being there. As if just BEING THERE wasn't bad enough, they insisted on fucking SHOPPING, too (just shoot me now) for hours on end. I was being drug from store to store, asked opinions about clothes and shoes and bags that I don't give a fuck about and did I mention I have no fashion sense, either? I was getting tired of being at the fucking mall.

My friends were walking ahead of me and turned to tell me to hurry up. Out of rebellion, I dropped my left leg behind me and made it go limp, dragging it behind me as I "walked" towards them, looking like I had some serious physical deformity or handicap. We round the corner and I'm REALLY playing it up, my foot dragging behind me like a piece of meat. Just as we turn that corner I spot a dude who is way too young to have arthritis struggling to walk using a walker. I imagine he had some horrible injury or was in some terrible accident, or, perhaps even had been injured in the war. We locked eyes as I was mid-drag... I froze up, stood up straight, and walked normally just past him. I am certain he thought I was mocking him and had been busted doing so. I felt terrible about it. My friend said I should have just gone with it and kept dragging my leg behind me, but I hadn't thought of that. Once again, I'm an asshole.

I'm the one who will make a cancer joke to someone who's VERY RECENTLY lost a loved one to cancer -- without me even knowing that'd happened to them. I'll say something like, "Yeah, if I had kids, I'd beat them!" to someone who (unbeknownst to me) had been a victim of horrible child abuse growing up. I'll be fooling around at the lake and pretend I'm drowning in front of a mother who's child drowned or something. AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW IT.

It's a talent, I tell ya. Pure talent.

Hate Vampires Right About Now? You're Not Alone.

PS I want to see this.

Immigrants and a Car that Has Needs, Too

I'm going to preface this by saying I quite literally have no problems with immigrants. I don't even really give a rip about their status. The reasons for this are many but to summarize: the legal immigration process is absolutely ridiculous and takes around ten years and a few thousand dollars and in addition to that, immigrant workers support the bulk of our industries. So if you like your dollar hamburgers and cheap clothes at Wal-Mart, you support immigrants, too -- legal or otherwise.

I saw an interaction yesterday that kind of surprised me. Maybe I'm naïve but I'm always surprised that people who are in the same situation, but of a different race or demographic, have a tendency to dislike each other instead of support each other. This was somewhat evidenced by the 2008 Presidential Election. The hispanic population, which is traditionally a democratic vote, actually shunned Obama. I don't want to be called a racist or talk about prejudices here; this is statistical data. It is a proven fact. It is neither opinion nor speculation. A group of people known to vote democratic did not vote for a black presidential candidate. They are both minority races, but they generally don't get along.

This is all just a lead-in to what happened yesterday. I went to the gas station to purchase some beer provisions for the evening. The man behind the counter (it's almost always the same dude) is Indian. Dot Indian, not feather Indian. A Mexican dude was at the counter making a purchase, and I walked back to get my beer. I toted it up to the counter and waited in line behind the Mexican dude. The Indian guy looked somewhat agitated but honestly, his customer service skills could use some work so he usually looks that way. The transaction was taking a long time, and I wasn't sure why but I wasn't really paying attention. A lot of independently owned & operated convenience stores use older technology, so often the approval process for credit cards takes longer.

Anyway, the Mexican dude asked for a plastic bag after his card was approved. He said this in a very thick accent and in broken English. The Indian dude quite literally took a plastic bag in his hand and tossed it in the air in the general direction of the Mexican. It landed haphazardly on the counter and the Mexican guy took it, looking confused.

"You want receipt?" the Indian asked. The Mexican nodded. With a flourish, the Indian tore the receipt off the printer and tossed it in the air towards the guy. It floated to the counter dramatically. The Mexican blinked and then asked "Why you throw?" -- not in an accusatory tone even, but just confused as to why the guy was being a total dick. The Indian only glared at him. The Mexican left, looking irritated and bewildered.

"He must've really pissed you off." I said, fishing for information.

In a thick and almost incomprehensible accent, the Indian replied something along the lines of, "I ask him debit or credit he no say."

Okay. The Mexican dude clearly didn't speak English that well. And while I know the Indian's native language is probably "English", it's certainly not American English. You would think that someone who, surely, has had difficulties communicating with others would be a little more understanding of someone who doesn't speak English? I mean, you would think one immigrant to another there might be a little leeway? Apparently not. I'd also think that if you were working late at night in a gas station by yourself you wouldn't go out of your way to be a dick to anyone, but that's just me.

In other news, I am having car problems. I don't like cars. I mean, I love cars, of course. But only when they work and do not require any attention from me whatsoever. I'm like a mean girlfriend to my car; I only want to give it enough attention to survive but not enough for our relationship to be healthy for it. So the horn doesn't work. And at first I didn't really care because how often do you use your horn? Answer: Only when you need it. And if you NEED your horn, and it's not there, it could be very bad. Someone's backing up into you? No horn?! It's not like you have time to roll down the window and shout HEY FUCKER SOMEONE'S BACK HERE! Or someone's coming into the lane you're in and trying to occupy the same space you're in? No horn, you're outta luck. You have to swerve out of the way and hope for the best.

So I did some troubleshooting. I learned about fuses today which are amazingly simple and replaced the two horn fuses that are under the hood. But that didn't fix the problem. To make matters worse, my car started making a horrible squealing sound on the way home from the auto parts store. Most of the time the sound wasn't there but it seemed totally random except that braking would make it stop (sometimes just until I quit braking, sometimes permanently). My dad says it's probably just a sign I need new brake pads, so next weekend I'm going to San Antonio and we're going to try to get the horn working and then replace the brake pads. Hopefully we can get the horn working on our own. The safety inspection is due by the end of this month, and it won't pass safety without a functioning horn.

Other than that things are the same as they ever were. I finished my summer LIT class and made an A. ECON is going for another four weeks, I'm hoping to pull an A or B in that. Work is still tremendously busy and I'm beginning to hate college students more than I already did. Why do you fuckers wait until the last day something is due/can be done before you do it? Then don't complain to me you're running out of time. Additionally, if you ask me a question, and I answer it, and you don't like the answer, asking the question again but in a different way is NOT GOING TO CHANGE THE ANSWER.

Fffffs.

I know I said just one word review but fuck all, M. Night Shyamalan is a dick.

I don't normally watch very many movies, especially movies in the theatre. Why? Because I'm far too bourgeois to be caught amongst the commoners. That and $4 for a fucking soda are you KIDDING ME? But, I have been watching Avatar: The Last Airbender almost since its first airing date and although it's a kid's show, I really, really have enjoyed it. And so have my friends (see? It's not just me). We were excited when we heard a movie was coming out, and then massively disappointed when we found out M. Night Shyamalamadingdong was directing it. Fuck you, M. Night. He took ALL of the fun out of A:TLA and in addition to that, made some really retarded changes.

I understand that all directors want to leave their "stamp" (his reads "retard") on a movie, but you shouldn't change arbitrary things just for the sake of change. For example, in the show, the character named Sokka is pronounced "Sock-uh" and the character named Aang is pronounced "Ayng." In the movie, for no apparent reason their names are pronounced "Souh-ka" (long "o") and "Aahng," (long "a") respectively. Okay. This wasn't a BOOK. It's not like the pronunciation of the characters' names was kind of up in the air. It was a cartoon, on television, with SOUND. Their names were pronounced the way the actual creators of the show wanted them to be fucking pronounced you overwhelmingly douchy douchebag. There is NO REASON to make this change. It is pointless and irritating to the viewer.

I will say this, the entire first season was condensed in a smart way. THAT was done well. Things that had to happen happened and they didn't always happen the way they did in the cartoon, but things tied together very nicely. I appreciated the way the story was truncated and it made sense. They even made references to things that will happen in future movies and that happened in the original series (one character references "Hama," the blood-bender we meet in book 3 [season 3 for the uninitiated] and whom I assume we'll meet in the third movie). That was all good and well.

But also, he took all the fun out of the show. I mean ALL of it. A:TLA wasn't some intense, serious, deep show. It's a KID'S SHOW for chrissake. It was funny and charming and had parts that literally had me rolling ("MY CABBAGES!" for example). There is almost ZERO of this in the movie. There is like maybe 2 ever-so-tiny scenes that got a brief chuckle out of the audience. But this much austerity is unnecessary in what is, may I remind you once more, A KID'S SHOW.

The final crime was that it took a full thirty minutes before anything happened. I was, literally, bored for thirty fucking minutes. And it's not just because I knew what was going to happen, having seen the series a gajillion times, it's because IT WAS FUCKING BORING.

The real tragedy of this is that A:TLA was a goddamn good series and had a lot of meat -- material, that is -- to be turned into a fantastic film. I'm not some kind of LOTR elitist who cries whenever someone ruins the sanctity of "my" show, but goddamnit this show didn't just have amazing potential, as a cartoon series, it lived up to that potential and THEN SOME. The character development had the depth that I've seen serious adult shows completely lack. The humor was spot-on and always well-timed and often very clever. The storylines were, for the most part, interesting and worthwhile. I mean, there were filler episodes, of course. All shows have them. But the filler episodes were fun to watch and kept you engaged.

In short, M. Night Shyamalamadingdong took something that was already good, made some completely pointless changes, pulled out all the good stuff, and tried to push it as a legitimate adult film even though it's still rated and geared towards a tween-aged crowd. The CGI was okay. The kids' acting was horrible, but they're kids (although I do have to give them props for their, er, what I'll call Tai Chi abilities -- the movements made during bending). The guy that plays Sokka is like Anakin Fucking Junior. MAKE A FACIAL EXPRESSION! TWITCH OR SOMETHING. Bleh.

The movie should have and could have been better had it been in someone else's hands.

One Word Movie Reviews: Toy Story 3

"Meh."

One Word Movie Reviews: Avatar: The Last Airbender

"Bleargh."